When children act out or present negative behaviours, it can often feel like it has come out of nowhere! Other times, we may notice subtle, consistent changes in their behaviours; patterns of behaviours that seem to pop up at certain times of day (e.g., bedtime), while doing certain tasks (e.g., homework, chores), at specific locations/environments (e.g., home, school, extracurricular activities), or with certain people (Parent Guide, 2025). And while it may be true that all children act out at some point as part of normal child development, tough behaviours such as screaming, aggression, ignoring, or saying no, can be difficult to manage (Parent Guide, 2025).
An important factor to consider is that children often act out because they are struggling. It’s a way of communicating something they are unable to express directly – this could be unmet needs (i.e., attention, food, safety, physical comfort), strong emotions or feelings, a desire to explore, or even a desire for attention. It isn’t uncommon for children to struggle with their emotions as they do not yet have the tools or language to tell us exactly what is wrong (Julie Rawe, 2025).
Being able to handle big emotions in a healthy way is an acquired skill that comes with maturity and development; children have to learn how to navigate the world through trial and error (Jennifer Benjamin, 2023). Children don’t innately have skills such as impulse control, emotional regulation, delayed gratification, negotiating, and communicating wishes and needs, that we as adults use to manage emotional dysregulation (Caroline Miller, 2025). As parents, it’s important to know how to respond to dysregulation and negative behaviours. However, it’s also important to understand the meaning behind a behaviour in order to respond in a productive and supportive manner, rather than just reacting to the behaviour itself.
What Can Acting Out Look Like?
Every child is different and may express themselves in different ways. However, there are a variety of ways that acting out can manifest for children. Some examples can include:
- Throwing tantrums or acting in ways that make them seem younger
- Angry outbursts that end in crying
- Blowing up at what may seem like small problems or concerns
- Ignoring you or refusing to answer your questions
- Refusing to follow rules
- Defiance and/or arguing with others
- Yelling/arguing
- Engaging in aggressive behaviours
Well, how do we differentiate from acting out and general defiance? It can seem when a child acts out that they are simply being defiant – they know the rules, why are they ignoring them? Rarely is a child acting out because they are trying to be bad or spiteful (Jennifer Benjamin, 2025). When a child is showing defiant behaviours, they know the rules and make a choice not to follow them (Julie Rawe, Understood). When a child is acting out, they may be so flooded with emotion or sensory input that they are not able to recognize what they are doing, or why (Julie Rawe, Understood).
Understanding What Acting Out Behaviours May Be Telling You About Your Child
- Feeling Overwhelmed – children may act out when they are stressed or struggling to manage strong emotions.
- Lack of Emotional Regulation Skills – children are still learning to identify and manage their many emotions, and acting out may be a sign of frustration or difficulty in controlling their impulses.
- Communicating Needs – behaviour can be a way for children to communicate unmet needs (e.g., attention, food, sleep, physical comfort)
- Attention Seeking – acting out may be a way for some children to get attention, especially if they have been neglected or have had other needs unmet.
- Testing Boundaries – as children grow and develop independence, they may test boundaries and act out as a way of asserting their own wants and needs. It may also be a way for them to understand expectations and establish a sense of control.
- Exploring and Learning – natural curiosity and the need to learn may manifest as exploring, questioning, and engaging in activities that may seem messy or disruptive.
- Learning Disabilities and Disorders – kids who find learning harder than their peers can become very frustrated, lose their temper, and disengage. This can feel even more overwhelming if they do not know they have a learning disability/disorder; they may worry that they are “just stupid.” (Caroline Miller, 2025).
- Sensory Issues – some children may act out due to sensory overstimulation or understimulation. They may struggle to process the information when their senses are overwhelmed leading to confusing behaviours such as screaming if a part of their body is wet, melting down if an environment is too bright, or even refusing to eat certain foods that feel wrong in their mouth (Caroline Miller, 2025).
- Attachment and Security – behaviours can be influenced by their attachment style; certain behaviours may indicate a need for reassurance or a secure base from which to explore (Caroline Miller, 2025).
- Environmental Factors – consider the following: “Is my child healthy?,” “Has my child had enough sleep?,” or “Is my child experiencing changes in their environment that could affect their behaviour?” (Caroline Miller, 2025).
- Underlying Behavioural Problems – some behavioural difficulties may stem from underlying behavioural disorders (e.g., Oppositional Defiance Disorder, (ODD)).
What Parents Can Do?
- Validate Your Child’s Feelings and Emotions – acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with their behaviour, or understand their perspective.
- Model Behaviours – children often mimic their parent’s actions so it is important to model what you want to see, rather than telling your child what to do.
- Active Listening – parents should actively listen to their children’s concerns and experiences.
- Offer Them Help – encourage your child to verbalize their needs and offer support in managing their emotions.
- Create a Safe and Supportive Environment – parents can support their children and ensure they feel safe and secure by creating consistency and predictability within their environment.
- Reinforce Positive Behaviours – focus on rewarding positive behaviours and providing attention when your child is behaving appropriately.
- Redirect Behaviour(s) – help your child find alternative ways to express their needs and redirect their energy towards more constructive activities. Encourage them to pause before reacting.
- Consistent Discipline – establish clear expectations and consequences for unacceptable behaviour(s), while being consistent in your approach.
- Parental Support Groups – participating in a group where other parents are struggling with similar challenges can provide parents with invaluable resources and support.
- Seek Professional Help – if you are concerned about your child’s behaviour or if it’s significantly impacting their well-being, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor.
Therapy Options for Parents & Children Struggling With Behaviour Challenges
Therapy for child behaviour can provide immense support for both parents and their children, and typically involves conversations, interactions, and interventions with a therapist that can help families understand and resolve problems, modify behaviours, and make changes that will lead to more positive outcomes (Psychotherapy for Children, 2019). While there are many modalities and approaches that can be helpful, below are some that prove effective for treating children and adolescents who may be struggling with behavioural concerns (Psychotherapy for Children, 2019). Approaches such as Play Therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help children understand and manage their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Parental support and understanding is crucial in this process (Child-Parent Psychotherapy, 2012).
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
A therapeutic approach that supports children in understanding and accepting their feelings and emotions (Psychotherapy for Children, 2019). ACT can help children better grasp their emotional struggles and understand where they are coming from; in turn, having a deeper understanding of their emotional struggles can encourage them to commit to moving forward in more positive ways (Psychotherapy for Children, 2019).
Play Therapy
A therapeutic approach that uses play therapy to address emotional issues. Play is used as a medium for children to express their emotions and work through their challenges. A therapist will observe how the child uses play materials and will identify any themes or patterns present to better understand the child’s problems (Psychotherapy for Children, 2019). It is particularly helpful for children that struggle to verbalize their feelings or have difficulty regulating their emotions.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for Children
A therapeutic approach that can help children identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviours that contribute to their difficulties. It can help improve your child’s mood and behaviours by examining distorted patterns of thinking. It can be effective for issues such as anxiety, depression, and trauma (Psychotherapy for Children, 2019).
Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT)
A specialized form of CBT that is tailored to the needs of children who have experienced trauma. It helps children process their trauma experiences, manage their emotions, and develop coping skills (Trauma-Focused CBT, 2025).
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)
A form of therapy that focuses on improving the parent-child relationship and building a stronger attachment between the child and parent. It can be helpful for children who have experienced trauma or other relationship difficulties. This form of therapy can encourage connection through real-time coaching and guidance to help identify parent’s and children’s struggles (Psychotherapy for Children, 2019).
Conclusion
Understanding and managing your child’s challenging behaviors requires patience, empathy, and a deeper understanding of the underlying causes. Children often act out as a way of expressing unmet needs, emotional struggles, or sensory overload, and these behaviors are not a reflection of bad intentions. As parents and caregivers, it’s essential to approach these behaviors with compassion and to recognize that emotional regulation is a skill that takes time to develop. By validating feelings, modeling positive behaviors, and offering consistent support, parents can help their children navigate their emotions in healthier ways and provide appropriate interventions if necessary. Additionally, therapy options such as Play Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Trauma-Focused CBT provide valuable tools for both children and parents to manage and resolve behavioral concerns. Ultimately, when parents are equipped with the right tools and mindset, they can foster an environment that nurtures growth, emotional well-being, and resilience, guiding their children toward a more positive and fulfilling future.
References
Miller, Caroline. Common Causes of Behaviour Problems in Kids. Child Mind Institute. (2025, February 4). https://childmind.org/article/common-causes-of-behavior-problems-in-kids/#:~:text=When%20children%20act%20out%20more,a%20number%20of%20underlying%20issues.
Parents Guide To Problem Behavior. Child Mind Institute. (2025, January 31). http://www.childmind.org/guide/parents-guide-to-problem-behavior/
Behaviours, emotions, and social skills. Pediatric Rehabilitation Services, Alberta Health Services. (2025, April 3). https://myhealth.alberta.ca/topic/Pediatric-Rehabilitation/pages/behaviours-emotions-social-skills.aspx?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22545651537&gbraid=0AAAAADuLsat_6f-Zm1R7vt0J4ajY5KLxM&gclid=Cj0KCQjwotDBBhCQARIsAG5pinP_jeJK1RFCxr0dLcTR7oSNGlQ7r2KfZPxq3oMQjJpPXfCSyntGnAkaAsIrEALw_wcB
Child-Parent Psychotherapy. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2012). https://www.nctsn.org/interventions/child-parent-psychotherapy
Psychotherapy for Children and Adolescents: Different Types. American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. (2019, April). https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Psychotherapies-For-Children-And-Adolescents-086.aspx
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (TF-CBT). Psychology Today. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapy-types/trauma-focused-cognitive-behavior-therapy#:~:text=Trauma%2Dfocused%20cognitive%20behavioral%20therapy,of%20severe%20trauma%20or%20abuse.] Retrieved 2025, June 3 from URL.
Rawe, Julie. Why Kids Act Out. Understood. [https://www.understood.org/en/articles/child-acting-out] Retrieved 2025, June 3 from URL.
Benjamin, Jennifer. Is My Child Acting Out or Is It Age-Appropriate Behaviour? Parents. (2023, December 20). https://www.parents.com/kids/discipline/strategies/is-your-child-acting-out-or-just-acting-his-age/
Nasamran, Dr. Amy. Why Do Children Act Out & What To Do About It. Atlas Psychology Collective. https://www.atlaspsychologycollective.com/blog/why-do-children-act-out
